We spend so much time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an external source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others.
Here are some of the guides in loving your YOU:
1.
The way you see yourself and treat yourself is the very way others will see yo u and treat you. Do you see yourself as valuable and worthy of the gift of love? Do you treat yourself lovingly and as a valuable being (respectfully)?
2. Treat others with love and respect. That's the first step to feeling better about yourself. It’s great to be truthful with yourself, though it may not be pretty! Awareness is the first and more powerful step on the path to change! Others have done it: you can do it. Change for the better...
3. Create goodwill and thankfulness by random deeds of kindness by sharing your being with others. Most importantly share your knowledge in nice ways, where it is wanted and needed, not just anywhere. Write letters to the editor, if that fits your circumstance, or write an article, if you have a topic. Show your ideals, time -- or things you use, a small donation to a needy elderly person or to an unfortunate child.
4. Share opportunities for your potential happiness by sharing goals and accomplishments with a special person or a group doing something worthwhile. Help a candidate or a political cause or a community project. Help at a school or church. Gradually you can start feeling your worth through the smiles of gratitude, and seeing it with your own eyes, and you can start loving this new you. Initially, you may feel that other people might take advantage of your new outgoing ways, but after a month or two of practice, you will see a nice change in yourself.
5. Forgive yourself if you ever believe you aren't worthy of love. After all, there were probably things in your childhood or more recent years that created that belief for you which is not true; every being on this planet is worthy of love. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for believing that I was not worthy of love.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself, look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it.
6. Post this positive affirmation up someplace where you will see it each and every day; "I have the courage to believe that I am worthy of love." Read it out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice it. Sticky notes are fabulous for affirmations.
7. Learn to let go of past events. You deserve a fresh beginning! There are a lot of people out there that have had hard lives/bad beginnings or moments. A lot of people close up on themselves out of grief, disappointments or fears of future ridicule -- and have a hard time opening back up. It is important to let go of all the pain that is still inside of you from that bad experience. This is often the hardest part of the journey, but once you've done it, you can benefit from it.
8. Think about what you really want -- your self-actualization. Try to look past "material" objects and feelings: We all want a nice house, nice things, someone to share our life with. Look past all that and find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a religion or simply a motive? Sometimes the truth hurts, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yourself.
9.
Keep a journal. Write about your experiences, good and bad. When you write down good experiences, allow yourself to feel those feelings. When you remember bad experiences, allow yourself to feel self-compassion. Compassion is not self-pity, but rather willingness to be present/accept with one's own pain and regret. Most people experienced chronic emotional invalidation growing up; adults shouldn't expect others to be validating, and need to learn how to validate themselves. Compassion allows us to be present with our pain so it can acknowledged and let go.
10. Work as steadily as you can at loving and accepting yourself just as you are right now. A large part of love is accepting another "as is" -- allowing them to be themselves, and having a level of detachment to let people have their feelings and behaviors without our interference. 'Detachment' (suspending judgment) might sound cold and unfeeling, but accepting people just as they are might be the most loving thing one can do for oneself and for others. After we've accepted ourselves, we might think about changing some less-desirable characteristics. However, we cannot change other people. This is impossible, and trying will only drive everyone crazy.
11. Get started (if not now -- when?) working toward how and what you want to be: Choose to express the happier you that you can love. Be enthusiastic and cheerful (appropriately). "Joyfulness is a decision!"
Relax: Tell your face, "Smile!" Smiling makes you feel better and other people to feel better -- toward you, your ideas and ideals (opposite of negativity).
"You become what you think about, act upon and do."
"What you do forms your character."
